Back in my college days, interracial dating was always a hotly debated topic. Everyone had an opinion. Discussions always got heated. Even in Usenet newsgroups, such as soc.culture.asian.american, a large number of posts always centered on interracial dating/marriage.

Some things never change. Surf the 'net, check out a bulletin board or two and you will find that the most intensely debated topic is interracial relationships. You'd think that with the year 2000 right around the corner, and all the social ills that still plague our society, people would have better things to argue about than whether interracial relationships ought to be happening or not.

In a sense, however, it makes sense that this topic continues to hit close to home for most Asian Americans-dating (or lack thereof) is something that most people do. It's a part of the whole process of socialization. And as a minority population in America, the issue of dating or marrying out of our particular ethnic group is something that we all probably have had to deal with at one point or another.

Most discussions seem to pit Asian American males and females against each other. Asian males wonder why so many Asian women in America date or marry white males, calling them "sell outs." Asian females respond, saying that their decision is a "personal preference," having nothing to do with race and that the aforementioned Asian males should stop dwelling on it. Of course, this leads to an onslaught of vicious and hateful rhetoric on both sides, making a rational conversation about the topic very unfeasible.

I'm not going to defend anyone arguing on either side of the fence. I'm sure that many Asian males who call their female counterparts "sellouts" for dating non-Asians have a point. But I'm also sure that just as many have had some serious problems finding a date in the last 18 years or so of their lives and are trying to blame someone else for their lack of charm. It's probably true that many of the Asian females who date non-Asians do so by chance and not some sort of internalized racism. But there are probably those who refuse to date Asian men because of some kind of deep-rooted hatred toward them.

To tell you the truth, I really don't care about who is dating whom. Why should it really matter to me if Jane Lee is dating some white guy? Why should I care if Joan Kang is getting married to a black man? I'd dare to say that most of the couples that I run across in my day-to-day travels are unknown to me. The chance of me meeting that "taken" woman is nil to none. So what does it matter if the woman's mate is non-Asian?

Let's say that I met a woman and developed a crush on her. So what if I find out later that she just doesn't date other Asians? There are plenty of fish in the sea. And if that woman really did have an aversion toward other Asian people, would I really want to waste my time trying to play therapist to her self-hatred or internalized racism? I think not. I'm busy enough as it is. Why should I waste my time with a woman who has mental issues? I get involved with a woman because I want a companion, not a mental patient.